"Direct Me in Thy Truth..."

"Direct me in Thy truth, and teach me; for Thou art my God and Savior; and on Thee have I waited all the day long." 

~ Psalm 24:5

I am a very impatient person. Usually when some new exciting prospect presents itself to me, I enthusiastically jump right in without thinking only to have it all fall to pieces. I don't like to wait, but to take action. God knows this, and for the past year especially He has been teaching me to learn how to wait, and I think He is finally getting through to me. You see, I decided to learn Swahili. I have wanted to for quite a while now, but the other day I made the decision to stop by the library, pick up both a Swahili descriptive and prescriptive grammar, download Duolingo, and start. And let me tell you, I love it so far! It really is a fun and interesting language. In the midst of my enthusiasm and excitement in learning this wonderful, new language, I found out that this summer my university is going to Kenya and that, as an honors student, I can go so long as I get permission from my Dean. Now, if it were this time last year, I would have already contacted my Dean, the Study Abroad Office, and may have even already started packing. But this time, I made a choice not to. I made a choice not to because I know myself a bit more than I did this time last year when I tried something similar and it did not work out... at all. In fact, my life has gone on a completely different trajectory. (Let me just say I ended up not studying Japanese but French in addition to German and that now I am just studying French because I loved it so much!) When I decided not to even contact my Dean yet, I simultaneously made a choice to pray a novena, asking God about this trip first and what He wants me to do. What's amazing is that after I decided upon this course of action, I watched Fr. Mark Mary's newest video from Ascension Presents about Saint Mother Theresa, whose feast day is this very week on September 5th! And what he said really spoke to what I believe I am experiencing right now in wanting to go to Kenya this summer, but in choosing to wait and pray about it first. What he said was this: that the three things that were the hallmarks of Saint Mother Theresa's call within a call were prayer, openness, and patience. Concerning the first, he said that she received her call to serve the poor and sick while praying on a train. It was not something that was a result of an encounter with the poor herself, but rather, it was the direct result of prayer. Next, he said that after she received her call to serve the poor and sick, she remained open to God's Will. In fact, she did more for she had made a promise to Jesus to refuse Him nothing. Nor did she. As Fr. Mark Mary said, she remained open "to the creativity of Love and was so radically open that she went where the Spirit guided her." And finally, and perhaps the thing that struck me the most, was that Saint Mother Theresa was patient. After she received her call within a call, she had to wait one year before she was even allowed to leave her convent. This, Fr. Mark Mary said, is the part we shouldn't by-pass too quickly. And for good reason. In my own life, it has been my not wanting to wait that has led to many things not working out. Imagine if Saint Mother Theresa had not waited, but had just left her convent. Would she have unleashed the Love of Jesus upon the world in the same way if she had done this? Probably not, for not only would she have been disobeying her superiors, but she would have been seeking to do it within her own strength and within her own power. Now, I am not saying that I, or my situation is in any way like Saint Mother Theresa's because it is absolutely not! But what I am saying is that I can look at her life, and follow her example. And by her example, right now, I am encouraged to wait. And although it is already very hard for me to wait to finish the novena (I still have a while to go, too, as I only just finished Day 1), I am determined to be patient and see where God wants to take me because ultimately it is up to Him. It is His Will that needs to be done because His Will is my salvation. This is why I say that I think God is beginning to get through to me, finally. And I'm glad because I know from past experiences that when I have had to wait on Him, things much better than I could have ever imagined were waiting for me right around the corner, and I know that this time will be no exception.

Ad maiorem Dei gloriam.